I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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