last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize