I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
