I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
