im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it hurts more in the daytime
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
