if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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