OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Randomize
