He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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