sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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