I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
