his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
