I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
