i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
