I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize