Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
