We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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