dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You're like the curious george of whores
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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