Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
