I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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