I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
