he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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