anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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