Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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