Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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