I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The best revenge is premature balding
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
