the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
