My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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