did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
