Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
