My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
