if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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