Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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