I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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