I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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