how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
