I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Can Purell be used as lube?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
