1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
