dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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