dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
