I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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