So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
