'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
