I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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