Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
