If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just puked most of my soul out..
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