I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
