What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
