god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
