i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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