does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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