im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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