Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
