Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.

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(239): View more from Florida

So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.

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(716): View more from New York

And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.

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(917): View more from New York City

i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?

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(323): View more from California

I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?

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(505): View more from New Mexico

While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I smell like Captain Morgan and tears

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(847): View more from Illinois

Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.

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