she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
