guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
