I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We are all done wearing pants today
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
