I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
