better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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