I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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