I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
