Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
