whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
