Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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