I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Semen is not good for contacts.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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