Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
