okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
