He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
