I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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