Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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