You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
