kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
