Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
