i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
