i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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