guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
