Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Of course I have a pirate flag
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
