Sry I called you an 8
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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