if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
